1. Less Sex Is OK
When we are falling in love, we can’t fall out of bed," says Watson. "But at some point, we feel the need to get stuff done." Though a new relationship sex-glow is irresistible, being exhausted at work all day every day is not. "Closeness and separateness must be balanced for happiness, and each takes time," Watson says. "So when our needs for individuality emerge, there is simply less time for the quicksand of the bed."
2. Just Do It, Though
Most of us aren't champing at the bit for sex at all times. We all feel tired, bummed out, or just plain not sexy now and again. And although that is totally OK, there are also times when a little sex might be just what the doctor ordered, even if you think you're not in the mood. "It’s normal to feel more desire after you get started than when you first begin" to have sex, Watson says. "Many women feel little physiological 'hunger' for sex at the beginning of an encounter."
That said, "after being stimulated, desire kicks in," says Watson. "Most of us assume that we should feel something first to know we want sex, but relying on memory gets us past the gate, so that arousal can whet our appetite." Once things get rolling, it's likely you'll be on board. In other words, if you wait until you're dying to have sex, you might be waiting too long. Though no one should ever feel obligated to have sex, there's something to be said for making like Nike and just doing it. There's a good chance you'll be glad you did
3. People In LTRs Have More Sex Than Single People
"It’s normal to think everyone else is getting more than you," says Watson. But "on balance, people in LTRs have more sex." That's because people who stay together for a long time have sex regularly. "Maybe your buddy can’t stop raving about his hot, hot, hot new lover," Watson says, "but when he’s between lovers, he is often having no sex." In the end, people in LTRs come out on top: "Research shows [that] year in and year out committed lovers have more sex," she says.
4. Great Sex Requires Communication
Like everything else in a healthy relationship, mind-blowing sex is contingent on its own. "Erotic connection is an enormously important, complex part of our life," says Watson, "and needs lots of careful communication, courageous vulnerability, practice and negotiation."
Moreover, an active and fulfilling sex life doesn't usually happen without strong communication. "It’s normal to work at sex," she says. "We believe erroneously that sex should be natural, should happen without instruction, should magically be in sync. But in reality, everyone has sexual problems at one phase or another, most commonly at the beginning." Talk to your partner about what you love — and what's not working for you. It'll give them the courage to bring up their needs and desires as well.
5. A Good Rule Of Thumb: Sex At Least Twice A Week
Sex begets sex. Speaking generally, two orgasms per week result in an "increase of desire" for women, says Watson, producing a higher sex drive overall. If you're with a man, two orgasms per week lead "men to feel less anxious sexually," she says, though the same could also definitely be said for women.
On the flip side, no sex engenders no sex: A low libido can be a side effect of being out of the habit. "Desire in women is suppressed" when there's a "lack of partner connection" and/or a "poor body image," Watson says. To combat both, she prescribes more sex. "Two orgasms a week often means she is naked twice a week and her inhibitions don’t build up," she says. Plus, "her partner is often in a better mood, less apt to be cranky for lack of sex."
If you're with someone who has a high sex drive, "a steady supply of sex, while it may not match their ideal frequency, means they can relax and not have to 'overask'" for sex, says Watson. "With sexual scarcity," she adds, "demand frequently goes way up, drowning a woman in what feels like impossible-to-meet need." Sex twice a week or more will lead to regular release of oxytocin (among other things) and a better body image, as you'll be naked regularly with someone you love, which makes you feel desired and, hopefully, sexier
6. You'll Probably Develop Your Own Sex Vernacular
"Long-time lovers develop shorthand," Watson says. "They know what a look or touch means." People in LTRs don't have to spell it out for their partners: A quick sext dashed off midday or a knowing look after dinner should be enough to convey the message. As time goes on, "a confidence grows between them," says Watson, "giving each the reassurance that their mutual experience will make it satisfying for both."
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